I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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