Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
