Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
