I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
