i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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