I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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