u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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