we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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