I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
