I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
