I wish I could teleport
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
