i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
