And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
