I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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