I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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