I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
