my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
