I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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