I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We have started to decorate penises.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
