So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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