how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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