That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
