Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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