Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
