It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
