The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
