if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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