Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
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I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
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Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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