Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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