genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize