U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
