I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
