all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
