I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
