i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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