i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
should my penis look like a turkey
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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