no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
