My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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