and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
