You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
