we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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