I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I love having hate sex.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
