Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
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Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
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Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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