I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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