you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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