Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
