Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
handjob tips. give me some.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
