john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Randomize
