guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
