First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
