Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
