I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
