Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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