I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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