Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
