The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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