never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
