Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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