Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i think i just lost a toe
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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