I hate all girls vehemently.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
