uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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