Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
