Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Randomize
