I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
