well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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