Moan for me like Helen Keller
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
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