so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Did I show you my penis last night?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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