Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
