If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
