Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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