i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
