Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
