Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
