dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
