The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
