She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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