my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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