At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
